1. A never-ending pizza party catered from some secret U.S. location.
2. Systematic mocking of my sad street crossing skills (Elizabeth Gilbert can say, “Attreversiamo” to her hearts content in Italy, but I’d like to see her try and do the same in China),
3. A marines only dance party/rave.
4. Things that only authorized personnel should know about, but are now available to the world thanks to that Australian asshole.
5. Fox News Channel access (Dear God, I hope so.)
6. Visualizing Perfect Nonsensities?
7. Mocking of French things, except for Sarkozy because he is crazy awesome,(See: everything he’s ever done) and champagne (Because without it, how would we toast awesome things?)
8. Organizing of multiple pot-lucks with the Iranian Consulate next door (These have yet to happen for reasons un-known.)
9. Constant playing of that certain tune from Team America: World Police. (You know the one).
10. Secret authorized-personnel-only use of name brand American clothes dryers.
Got to give credit where credit is due. Thanks to Jami for helping with this list, especially numbers one and eight! Check out her blog on my blogroll under “Becoming Jami.” And thanks to Mac for her editorial support. Check out her blog in the same place under, “Believe in Yourself and Believe in Love.”
